100indecisions: my chains are broken (cute | sad robot)
Yeah, so, the spring term begins tomorrow and I am not remotely ready. Copying from an e-mail to family because it's the only way I make substantive updates anymore:

My rhetoric class starts tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to because for some reason anything composition/rhetoric just doesn't work with my brain, plus my 10 a.m. aerobic kickboxing class (the only way I'm certain to get regular, decent exercise). Also the first class I'm teaching, ugh. This wouldn't be so bad except 75% of my "omg must get this done during the break" list is still...not done. Not really sure what the arrangements will be for my thesis or an independent study class either, which I need to work out with my adviser. So among other things I really, really need to revise my syllabus (tougher, more specific attendance policy, for one thing, because having like 8 people in class for the last quarter of the term does not make me happy), print up a class roster, and set up Blackboard by class time.

This wouldn't be a problem except first I have to finish this late paper...from the spring term last year...where the professor let me get an incomplete and I was supposed to get everything done over the semester...and I did except for the seminar paper, which...is what I'm still  working on now...which I really hope he'll give me a grade for even though it's stupidly late, because otherwise I'll have to retake that class starting Wednesday and that'll mess up my scheduling if I want to graduate on time (I need to get 9 new credits this term, see, so if 3 of them are repeat, I'll have to get credit instead of money for my DCS work or something to make up for it, which financially would not be great). All because of one paper, yes. Because I have issues, and depression isn't fun, and writing this specific paper has been only slightly less difficult than pulling teeth. So there's that. I've been at my friend Calli's house most of the week, alternating  between video games (she plays and I watch, for the most part, which...is a pretty good way to experience a game if you not good at it yourself) and trying to beat academic words out of my brain. I miss Scully but I've been getting some stuff done, so. Also she's writing a Dungeons & Dragons campaign so I'll be doing some actual tabletop RPG stuff this term? You know, because I really needed that +10 to my nerdiness stat? Whatever, I REGRET NOTHING. Not the nerdiness, anyway.

The other problem is that this semester is likely to be CRAZY and my ability to deal with it is no less crippled than it's been for the past couple years and more, so...I need to figure out ways to stay on top of things more than I have before, but I can only do that if I can somehow make it not overwhelming, and even the planning involved in theoretically making it not overwhelming is...overwhelming. So that's cool. (Basically this post sums up my ENTIRE LIFE. It's sad.)

Oh right, and one of my major goals for break was to research and apply for some library schools, which didn't happen because I had other priorities I was putting off, so I think I've mostly decided--partly by default since deadlines are coming up but also because it's probably the right decision--to hold off on more school until at least next spring rather than next fall. I'll have been in postsecondary education for six years straight once I finish my master's in English, and I'm just really, really tired of being in school. Figure I'll fill in with jobs from the temp agency I worked through this summer to fill in since I wouldn't be planning to commit to anything indefinitely.

I'm expecting little in the way of replies except my sister saying on Facebook or in person "Good LORD you ramble, I couldn't get through that and no one else did, and omg D&D you are so embarrassing," but...whatever. One of the few things I actually like about myself is that I don't try to present myself as something I'm not, and let's face it, I am rambly and VERY, VERY NERDY.

Oh, and then I posted  this on Tumblr, which I will also paste here because...why not, maybe someone will have a helpful idea:

So here is my problem, internet: I can accomplish things without stress and panic if they are not overwhelming. I’ve made something of a New Year’s resolution to write at least 10 minutes of fiction a day, and I’ve been keeping up with that so far, making good progress in a fic. This way I can always have some kind of creative project going that I actually enjoy. I’ve also resolved to grade two tests/papers a day starting the day I get them back, which is also not overwhelming but will get the grading done faster and easier than the idiotic keep-putting-it-off-and-grade-everything-in-a-panic-after-like-a-month thing I’ve been doing.

So, okay. Maybe I will manage to keep up with class reading and progress on my thesis and stuff if I can make the tasks small and concrete enough to not be overwhelming. Problem is….the planning involved in making huge things not overwhelming is itself overwhelming. Even thinking about what I’d need to do to get to that point is also overwhelming. >_<

So. Uh. Any advice?


Mar. 28th, 2009 07:08 pm
100indecisions: my chains are broken (pd | Ned whimper)
Got back late last night from Juneau, stayed up doing something I needed to for class, crashed. Got up at 1 p.m. (the last hour or so before that was mostly not sleeping because I just couldn't make myself get up) with a sore throat, and have been getting increasingly tired and achey since then. Now I feel too tired and achey to do anything, which is awesome. I have about ten things written in my planner to do today, all of which take forever, which is why I never seem to get anything done. And I have a lot to do. I need to get a job. So I need to apply for some. I also need to work on marketing my paid blog so I can maybe make some money on that, since now I'm making almost none. I have just over a month until I graduate, which means I have that much time to write most of my thesis and also seven other papers (one is due Monday). There are paid surveys I could do for extra money, and I need to list a bunch of stuff my dad doesn't want on half.com so I can sell them for him and make some other money. Also I really need to e-mail my adviser and hash out what exactly I'm even doing with my thesis--great timing, right?--and finish a mix CD for someone I don't actually know.

Only I'm sick and everything hurts right now, and as soon as I start thinking that maybe I can get some things done I start thinking of other things I need to do. And I can't get anything done because it all takes so much time and ugh I feel like crap. I already want to go back to bed. Body, this is really bad timing, I have a paper due at noon on Monday.

Annnd I used my 30,000 frequent flier miles to get tickets to bring [livejournal.com profile] faeriemaiden up for my graduation, so I keep having random flail moments about that, like, "Hey I wonder what movies/shows [livejournal.com profile] warriorofshadow and I should make her watch when she will BE HERE REALLY SOON OMGOMG" and "Hey, I never did go to the Chocolate Lounge, I should take Jolene there!" and then that kind of gets poisoned because it's like "Eeee Jolene will be here in just over a month!...which means that's how much time I have to FINISH MY THESIS and write SEVEN OTHER PAPERS OH HELP."



Nov. 19th, 2008 11:00 am
100indecisions: my chains are broken (lost | Sun banishes the stupid people.)
Is anyone else receiving very few LJ and Facebook e-mail notifications, if any at all? I don't mean since the server move; this has been happening for several weeks, at least for me. I've pretty much stopped getting Facebook e-mail notifications altogether, which isn't so bad since they have a little message center deal, and so does LJ, but if someone responds to a comment of mine on a community or someone else's LJ, I have pretty much no idea.

It shouldn't be Hotmail, either; I have their useless junk-mail filter turned off. And oddly enough, I get all my notifications for [livejournal.com profile] theturningworld just fine. But on this LJ, either I don't get them at all, or I get them really late--like, [livejournal.com profile] spockodile left a comment on one of my entries on Nov. 12, and I got the notification for it...yesterday. Which is when the e-mail says it was sent.

I don't get it.
100indecisions: my chains are broken (hp | Dear Body: I hate you.)
For starters, there's this cold, which I first got...well, I think it was probably Sept. 25 when I first got the sore throat that turned into an all-body ache by the end of that day and all of the Friday after it, and by Saturday I was better but still achy and fun stuff, and I started losing my voice on Sunday. You know, a week ago. Monday and Tuesday, I basically couldn't talk, partly because it made me cough more and partly because I just really could not get my voice loud enough to be heard. Or if I did it would crack and I would start coughing. It was lots of fun. Especially since I'm one of those people that talk a lot in class. >_< Wednesday I finally started getting my voice back, which was fun, but my cough's kind of been getting worse despite using Advair, and at this point my voice is still weird, I'm still coughing, my nose is getting runnier (and I get blood from it if I use Zicam! Weird, right?), and this morning I was thinking, um, I kind of feel achy again. And I might even have a sore throat. And my nose is more plugged. Am I getting sick again before I even got better??

Oh, and also, as of this morning it kind of hurts in my back, around my ribs/shoulder somewhere, when I breathe real deep or cough. So that's, you know, really good.

IBS and back are mostly being their usual selves, which I guess is good, but the left-hand joint in my jaw hurts to much to open all the way, as it's done since Turkey (you might remember me mentioning that, [livejournal.com profile] faeriemaiden), since the night-guard my dentist made for me on the day I left for England has done exactly squat to help. Because, I don't know, I don't grind my teeth at night and that's not what's causing the problem? So making a thing that perches on my bottom teeth so I can't properly close my mouth and will drool all night...probably not gonna do it. Oh yeah, and that "open contact" (I still don't know what that is) that said dentist supposedly fixed, also on the day I left, which involved two or three shots in my mouth and a numb lip for hours...is not fixed. That spot hurts again, which means it is again letting food get jammed in and making the gum all inflamed. So way to go there, Mr. Dentist.

And there's my wrist, of course. You know, the left wrist that I broke at the beginning of July. It's actually totally healed, and I haven't been wearing the splint at all for weeks per doctor's orders, and I've regained nearly all my range of motion there which is good, but it still hurts. Muscular I think, since immobilizing anything will make it stiff and sore and whatever. But still, that's kind of annoying.

And the best part? Well, you know how I had that stress fracture in my foot that had me clumping around in a walking cast for months? Yeah, well. Ever since then, on and off, I'll still get a bit of pain where the fracture was if I've been walking a long time, but it was never very bad and it didn't worry me much since it only hurt to walk on it--I couldn't make it hurt by pushing on it with my fingers, which I could when it was actually broken.

Right, well, it's been hurting a bit more from less walking, seems like, mostly while I've been here. And after walking around a lot yesterday, it was bothering me more, and then I started limping, which I hadn't done in a while. Annnd when I checked it later by pushing on the bone...I could make it hurt. Not a lot, not like when it was definitely broken, but...more than in a while. Still hurts on and off today even though I haven't done much walking Which is not of the good, clearly, especially since our insurance is kind of borked and I don't know how to file a claim on the student health insurance I paid four hundred bucks for.

OH, AND ALSO, I'm kind of breaking out like a teenager. Okay, so I never had really bad acne and I still don't, but it's worse than it's been in a while, and it's very annoying, because it hurts and it looks stupid.

Oh, and I went to London yesterday, which is where I did all the walking around. Saw the Tower of London and the Tower Bridge. It rained and was insanely windy. I also just found out that apparently it's London Fetish Weekend over there, so...it's just as well I didn't run into that, I guess. (London is quite a big city, after all.) And if you want more of an update than that, just...uh, keep checking my travel blog, which...is going to get updated soon, I swear.

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