100indecisions: my chains are broken (cute | sad robot)
Yeah, so, the spring term begins tomorrow and I am not remotely ready. Copying from an e-mail to family because it's the only way I make substantive updates anymore:

My rhetoric class starts tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to because for some reason anything composition/rhetoric just doesn't work with my brain, plus my 10 a.m. aerobic kickboxing class (the only way I'm certain to get regular, decent exercise). Also the first class I'm teaching, ugh. This wouldn't be so bad except 75% of my "omg must get this done during the break" list is still...not done. Not really sure what the arrangements will be for my thesis or an independent study class either, which I need to work out with my adviser. So among other things I really, really need to revise my syllabus (tougher, more specific attendance policy, for one thing, because having like 8 people in class for the last quarter of the term does not make me happy), print up a class roster, and set up Blackboard by class time.

This wouldn't be a problem except first I have to finish this late paper...from the spring term last year...where the professor let me get an incomplete and I was supposed to get everything done over the semester...and I did except for the seminar paper, which...is what I'm still  working on now...which I really hope he'll give me a grade for even though it's stupidly late, because otherwise I'll have to retake that class starting Wednesday and that'll mess up my scheduling if I want to graduate on time (I need to get 9 new credits this term, see, so if 3 of them are repeat, I'll have to get credit instead of money for my DCS work or something to make up for it, which financially would not be great). All because of one paper, yes. Because I have issues, and depression isn't fun, and writing this specific paper has been only slightly less difficult than pulling teeth. So there's that. I've been at my friend Calli's house most of the week, alternating  between video games (she plays and I watch, for the most part, which...is a pretty good way to experience a game if you not good at it yourself) and trying to beat academic words out of my brain. I miss Scully but I've been getting some stuff done, so. Also she's writing a Dungeons & Dragons campaign so I'll be doing some actual tabletop RPG stuff this term? You know, because I really needed that +10 to my nerdiness stat? Whatever, I REGRET NOTHING. Not the nerdiness, anyway.

The other problem is that this semester is likely to be CRAZY and my ability to deal with it is no less crippled than it's been for the past couple years and more, so...I need to figure out ways to stay on top of things more than I have before, but I can only do that if I can somehow make it not overwhelming, and even the planning involved in theoretically making it not overwhelming is...overwhelming. So that's cool. (Basically this post sums up my ENTIRE LIFE. It's sad.)

Oh right, and one of my major goals for break was to research and apply for some library schools, which didn't happen because I had other priorities I was putting off, so I think I've mostly decided--partly by default since deadlines are coming up but also because it's probably the right decision--to hold off on more school until at least next spring rather than next fall. I'll have been in postsecondary education for six years straight once I finish my master's in English, and I'm just really, really tired of being in school. Figure I'll fill in with jobs from the temp agency I worked through this summer to fill in since I wouldn't be planning to commit to anything indefinitely.

I'm expecting little in the way of replies except my sister saying on Facebook or in person "Good LORD you ramble, I couldn't get through that and no one else did, and omg D&D you are so embarrassing," but...whatever. One of the few things I actually like about myself is that I don't try to present myself as something I'm not, and let's face it, I am rambly and VERY, VERY NERDY.

Oh, and then I posted  this on Tumblr, which I will also paste here because...why not, maybe someone will have a helpful idea:

So here is my problem, internet: I can accomplish things without stress and panic if they are not overwhelming. I’ve made something of a New Year’s resolution to write at least 10 minutes of fiction a day, and I’ve been keeping up with that so far, making good progress in a fic. This way I can always have some kind of creative project going that I actually enjoy. I’ve also resolved to grade two tests/papers a day starting the day I get them back, which is also not overwhelming but will get the grading done faster and easier than the idiotic keep-putting-it-off-and-grade-everything-in-a-panic-after-like-a-month thing I’ve been doing.

So, okay. Maybe I will manage to keep up with class reading and progress on my thesis and stuff if I can make the tasks small and concrete enough to not be overwhelming. Problem is….the planning involved in making huge things not overwhelming is itself overwhelming. Even thinking about what I’d need to do to get to that point is also overwhelming. >_<

So. Uh. Any advice?

November 2016

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